


Dennis Reynolds is a Bastard Man

by moonandstar



Category: It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-29
Updated: 2017-10-29
Packaged: 2019-01-25 19:15:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12539240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/moonandstar/pseuds/moonandstar
Summary: Snapshot day of Dennis in high school.





	Dennis Reynolds is a Bastard Man

Dennis Reynolds liked to think he was a jock. He was also highly intelligent, but he was no nerd- well maybe a cool nerd. Most importantly, Dennis Reynolds was a god of perfect proportions, even at just 18. He was applying to a top college because money and good looks could open just about any door. Not to mention frightful intelligence. He was going to major in psychology, not just because he was interested but because it was expected. Dennis Reynolds liked to believe he had his life together. Dennis Reynolds was fantastic, always had been, always would be. 

"Fuck off! Are you serious? I'm not putting that in the yearbook" 

Dennis waved him off like an annoying fly. Bill Ponderosa, head of the yearbook committee, was not even significant in Dennis Reynolds' life. 

"Dennis. Just give me a quote. One simple quote. I don't want your whole life story" Bill said, waving his clipboard. 

"Here's your one quote: get fucked" 

With that, Dennis sashayed out of the room, not forgetting to slam the door behind him. 

"Hey, man!" 

Dennis had many friends. He was too popular for his own good. 

"Hey, bro, what's u-" 

Dennis started to answer before realising that the guy wasn't talking to him. Oh well. He ignored the weird looks he was getting. They were just jealous. Or intimidated. Probably both. That's why they didn't hang around with him all of the time. Dennis really was the nicest person in the school, hanging around with Charlie and Mac and Dee, because if he didn't do it no one would. 

"Whoops!" a stray leg sticking out caught Dennis by surprise and nearly sent him flying. 

Dennis righted himself and swung around. "Hey Adriano! You got the wrong guy. I'm meeting Dirtgrub in five so I'll send him your way"

Dirtgrub was Charlie Kelly, one of Dennis' charity friends. Dennis had to be friends with Charlie because Charlie and Mac came as a package, and Dennis had to be friends with Mac to get discounts on weed. It was unfortunate that Charlie came as part of the deal, but Dennis was getting used to him. His popularity hadn't suffered yet anyway, but Dennis drew the line at Psycho Pete. Dennis rounded the corner and sighed. They were meeting in an empty classroom and clearly his friends had already arrived. 

"Charlie! Put it out! Charlie!!" Mac was yelling. 

Charlie was holding a paper ball, flames rising. 

"Charlie for fucks sake! The smoke alarm's going to start blaring in a minute and those sprinklers are going to screw up my hair" Dee screeched. 

"Screw up your hair, more like rust the aluminium, right, monster?" Dennis laughed. 

Charlie laughed. Mac laughed. 

"But seriously you should probably do something about that fireball before it burns your hands" Dennis chimed in, settling himself comfortably on top of a desk. 

Charlie screamed again, and ran full speed to the sink where he dumped the paper. The Gang watched as the flames fell and the paper sizzled. 

"You're an idiot, you know that?" Mac brushed past Charlie to sit down. 

"Just trying something" Charlie mumbled. 

"What were you doing?" Dennis asked. 

"Well me and Mac watched a show last night about some dude in the forest surviving and he made like a fire with his hands? So I wanted to make a fire with my hands but clearly I don't have firehands because it didn't work! So I used my lighter instead to see if that would work" 

Dennis sighed heavily. "Oh my god" 

Mac glared at him. Dennis thought it was strange how an illegal drug dealer-whose idea of an ordinary Tuesday night was 12 beers and some glue on the side- still disapproved of anyone using the Lord's name in vain. 

"So!" Dee clapped her hands. "What's the grand plan for tonight?" 

X 

"So much for a grand plan" Dennis mumbled, coughing weakly. 

"Shut up. Like you could've done better" Dee replied. 

The fantastic foursome were sitting on the floor by some dumpsters, passing around a joint. 

"We really are a fucking mess, honestly if I was by mys-" 

Mac held up his hand to interrupt Dennis. "Can you hear music?" 

"It's Adriano's big party" Charlie said. 

The other three whirled around to look at him. "How did you know about this?" 

"Math girl was saying. She wasn't invited either" 

Math girl was Charlie's one unrequited love. They sat together in math. 

"It must have been a last minute arrangement, or my invitation must have gotten lost" Dennis replied.

Mac hummed. "Sure" 

"So... party. Free booze. Should we go?" Dee asked. 

"But we weren't invited!" Charlie said. 

"Charlie. Invitation is a social construct" 

Dennis wasn't 100% sure what a social construct was but he knew it sounded dramatic and that was the effect he was going for. He stood with one swoop of his long jacket. 

"Let's go. Come on, Sweet Dee. Mac. Charlie" 

Dennis really was the ringleader of their little organisation. He put all of the plans in motion. Was it not his idea to go to the party? Sure, Dee said it first with her giant mouth but he was just about to say it. 

"Um... guys. Do you think we should bring like a few beers or something to the party?" Mac asked hesitantly as they walked to Adriano's. 

"Why?" Dennis scowled. 

"Aren't we going for the free stuff?" Charlie tilted his head. 

"We'll have a better chance getting in if we bring something, and he might be.. nicer" Mac said. 

Dennis had a sudden flashback to last Thursday, watching Adriano and his cronies dunk Mac and Charlie in toilet water. 

He sighed. "If you really must. Mom's not home, we can probably nab something. It's only a couple blocks" 

Dennis Reynolds really was a compassionate soul. He was like Jesus but more. 

X

The Reynolds family home was beautiful. It was glamorous, delicate, perfect. Everything Dennis was and his sister wasn't. 

"You should probably wait outside. I'll grab something" Dennis said, with one look at Charlie's shoes and the white carpet. 

He re-emerged five minutes later with two bottles of wine. 

Dee clocked the labels. "Mom's favorite. Good job" 

"I know. We really should get a move on though" Dennis checked his watch. Still as expensive and gold as always. Then he checked the time. 11:20. 

"Have you got any sausage rolls in your house?" Charlie said curiously. 

Dennis watched the scene play out in slow motion. He had left the door ajar. Charlie was lifting up one of his disgusting, disgusting, disgusting feet. He was moving towards the carpet. Foot made contact with the inside of the Reynolds' house. Dennis winced. 

"Charlie!" Mac pulled him back. 

"What? Oh! Shit" Charlie looked at the stained, muddy carpet. 

"Well! Mom's going to murder us" Dee said 

Dennis carefully moved inside and pulled the rug forward to hide the stain. 

"Well done, Charlie. But we don't have time to clean it up, we need to go to the party, all my friends will be wondering where I am. That mud is out of sight, out of mind" 

Dee opened her mouth but appeared to think better of it in her nosiness of Mac's phone chiming. 

"Who's that?" she asked 

"Beak out of my business, Dee" 

Dennis leaned over and read the screen. "It's psycho Pete" 

"Psycho Pete!" Charlie cheered, "let me talk to him" 

"Charlie, I really would but I don't think you can form a coherent text. Come on. Let's just go to Adriano's" Mac said 

X

Dennis stood back, hands on his hips. He was the best and the bravest out of the gang but was he going to ring Adriano's doorbell? He was weighing up the pros and cons, something his mind could do faster than the average man when he realised- he should let one of the others have their moment in the spotlight! Wow. Dennis Reynolds was one considerate person. 

"Go on then, Dee" 

She turned to her brother in dismay. "Why should I do it?" 

"Well... you're a girl" 

"And?" 

"So if he doesn't let us come in, which he will because he's my friend, but if he doesn't let you three in then you could always show him your-" 

"Right. I get it" she rang the doorbell. 

Adriano opened the door, looked them up and down. "Fuck off" he slammed it. 

It's just because they're here. If it was just Dennis, Adriano would be thrilled to let him in. 

"Do you guys want to go to mine? It's just down the street and it's too cold to drink out here" Charlie asked. 

"Fine" 

Dennis would do anything if it meant he didn't have to sit on the ground. He was also pretty cold, although he wouldn't admit it. 

"Great! My house it is" Charlie said as the Gang made their way off Adriano's doorstep and down the road.


End file.
